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Mar. 13th, 2026 07:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enchantedsnowforestDear Diary,
I will miss it when my memory goes. I have been losing a lot of my short term memory. I can’t remember words hardly and have to snap my fingers a lot trying to remember. My doctor is sending me for an inner ear MRI and a brain MRI. However, I am terrified as they are not scheduled until June 10th. I am terrified I will be a basket case and a former shell of myself by then. All I can do is try to reverse some of this damage with a CPAP machine. I don’t know how much of it will help or how much of the dementia or whatever I have can be reversed with a CPAP machine but I have to try. Don’t I? Will I? I sleep until 12pm now because my brain is so tired. It feels like there is a huge magnet in my head. I don’t know what else to do except wait for an MRI. I can ask for prayers and see if God will heal me again but sometimes the healing is in passing from this life to the next I believe. I have always lived in loneliness, I have nothing to show for my life. I am not married nor do I have children to show for my life. Life has beat me down every since I was young. My disabilities haven’t helped any. I was played into the hands of a girl that for whatever reason, hated people with disabilities. She asked me to come over one day and we fooled around with her boyfriend. I should have never said yes to her. I would probably still be a virgin and pure before marriage. I don’t know. I’m hurting. Anyway, I hurt inside because of my past. I know if I didn’t have Mom and Grandma no one would want to take care of me. Maybe this dementia thing will be sort of a blessing in disguise because I’ll have to go into a nursing home. Maybe all this is karma or whatever.
Love
Kathryn Rose
I will miss it when my memory goes. I have been losing a lot of my short term memory. I can’t remember words hardly and have to snap my fingers a lot trying to remember. My doctor is sending me for an inner ear MRI and a brain MRI. However, I am terrified as they are not scheduled until June 10th. I am terrified I will be a basket case and a former shell of myself by then. All I can do is try to reverse some of this damage with a CPAP machine. I don’t know how much of it will help or how much of the dementia or whatever I have can be reversed with a CPAP machine but I have to try. Don’t I? Will I? I sleep until 12pm now because my brain is so tired. It feels like there is a huge magnet in my head. I don’t know what else to do except wait for an MRI. I can ask for prayers and see if God will heal me again but sometimes the healing is in passing from this life to the next I believe. I have always lived in loneliness, I have nothing to show for my life. I am not married nor do I have children to show for my life. Life has beat me down every since I was young. My disabilities haven’t helped any. I was played into the hands of a girl that for whatever reason, hated people with disabilities. She asked me to come over one day and we fooled around with her boyfriend. I should have never said yes to her. I would probably still be a virgin and pure before marriage. I don’t know. I’m hurting. Anyway, I hurt inside because of my past. I know if I didn’t have Mom and Grandma no one would want to take care of me. Maybe this dementia thing will be sort of a blessing in disguise because I’ll have to go into a nursing home. Maybe all this is karma or whatever.
Love
Kathryn Rose
